Santa Gets a BailoutThe physical limitations of Santa are fairly well documented at this point. We know he has to travel at the speed of light, or perhaps has the ability to stop time. His sack of presents has to be a dimensional rift or wormhole to wherever they’re actually stored. And, at least according to Tim Allen, he can create chimneys when one isn’t available just so he can fit down them.

Interestingly, there are at least some theories in physics that could make much of what Santa has to do possible. But no one has ever looked at the economic limitations of Santa. So let’s take a look now.

Toy Production: Santa makes a lot of toys and many of them are branded. Lots of kids will open Xboxes and PS4s that Santa somehow built. So he needs a team of lawyers to license production of products. Even if he doesn’t need permission, he needs schematics. iPads are hard to build. The alternative is that Santa is just a distributor. Like a UN agency, all the stuff he needs is shipped to him and he just hands it out. However that isn’t consistent with the story we know.

Food: How does Santa keep his slaves from dying of starvation? The easy answer is a massive underground hydroponics lab. All their food is grown in house and under ground.

Raw Material: In order to make all those toys the North Pole team is going to need a lot of raw material. They must have a big mining facility on site that gives them what they need. And since we could see something that big from space, it must also be underground. Or, Santa could have a series of shell corporations designed to funnel resources in from all over the globe.

Energy: This is actually one of the biggest obstacles. The North Pole might be rich in fossil fuels which could explain ice cap melting, but Santa is too good to burn oil. No, instead the right solution is to tap geothermal energy.

Location: You might be surprised to learn that Santa isn’t actually at the North Pole. Unlike the South Pole, there’s no land under that ice. He is more likely in Greenland, Northern Europe, or perhaps Russia; all of which are close but could support then kind of operation that Santa would need to pull this off.

Of course, all this assumes that Santa is actually a planetary being. Going back to the physical limitations, one of the best explanations for Santa might be that the North Pole is merely the gateway from our universe to Santa’s. The truth is that some of the physical limitations of Santa are easier to explain with theory than the economic ones.

categories: economics