I just got back from a wonderful trip to the beach with my extended family. My friends just got done playing host to some of their friends. We had very different experiences.
The family dynamic I’ve grown up in has been one of mutual contribution. When we all go to the beach the parents all threw in equal amounts to rent a house and equal amounts to purchase food. Everyone is trusting and no one has broken the trust. Nowadays the kids are all grown up. We had a separate house with our own budget. None of us can really stay the whole week so we broke it down to a metric of person/night cost. So of all the people staying there, we had a total of say 50 people/nights. If the place we rented cost $2000 then for every night you stay you pay $50. The system worked well and we’ll probably return to it in future years. People staying a whole week paid more, and people staying less paid less.
My friends experienced a different situation. It was one with less planning, but should be no more difficult. Friends came to visit them and my friends (we’ll call them the Smiths) rented a few places to stay on various evening excursions. They paid much of the upfront cost, thinking this was okay since their friends drove halfway across the country to see them. But it was never explicitly stated that the Smiths were going to pay for everything. The friends, let’s call them the Johnsons, never offered to pay for anything. We’re talking everything from gas for a boat to a hotel at the beach.
After a few days the Johnsons started to distance themselves somewhat. They made their own plans and did not make much effort to include the Smiths. And after a series of other events the Johnsons left a day early while the Smiths were away at breakfast. The status of the friendships between these couples is now in question.
Let me give everyone some advice on how to deal with the finances in situations such as these. It’s best to plan ahead so everyone knows who is paying for what. But that can’t always be the case, so we have to be a bit more flexible. This usually involves dealing with expenses as they come up. Getting food for the week? Offer to buy the groceries if they pick up the tab when you go out to eat a couple of times. It might not balance out but what’s a few bucks between friends. Or you can split everything 50-50 and just keep a running total.
There are a few red flags to watch out for though. Someone may take advantage of the situation. If so, take note, and either confront them about it or just not invite them back next time. Someone may object to the system being used, and want to opt out. They may have a legitimate reason, so listen to them and remember what’s a few bucks between friends.
Finally, how do you deal with a situation in which someone does promise to pay for everything or more than their fair share? Aside from numerous thank-yous and continued offers to pay for things, perhaps the most appropriate response is some kind of gift. A bottle of wine, a token keepsake, just something that merely acknowledges the effort made by the one paying.
These are not hard and fast rules, and this isn’t the way to do it every time. Whenever you think there is an issue with finances in groups like these, ask yourself if it is worth sacrificing the relationship. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t.
Photo: mikebaird
 By The Weakonomist |
The Weakonomist is the founder of Weakonomics. Clicking the picture of the puppy will tell you more about him. If you like what you're reading consider subscribing to the blog, following him on Twitter, and checking out the related posts below. Please consider a donation if you really enjoy Weakonomics. Also keep in mind that nothing I say can be construed as financial advice. |
