On 12/24 we saw some of the male clothing trends that bother me.  Most of them are pathetic excuses to be trendy and flashy.  Admittedly though, I am not the most fashion forward person.  Yesterday I mentioned 5 such styles that aren’t especially great additives to one’s style cred.  Today I’ll walk you through five more styles.  These were mostly popular at one time, but not anymore.  The inspiration came from an episode of Top Gear I watched recently.  The three hosts review cars for a living and sometimes rank what cars are cool and which are not.  They all agree that as soon as any of the hosts actually buys a car they discuss, it is no longer cool.  I have the same feeling about my choices below.  Enjoy!

Hoody

For the last decade, the only hoody one was allowed to wear was that of their alma mater.  If you wear something else (I’m guilty), then you’re just weird.  I’m seeing less and less of them these days, and I couldn’t love hoodies more.  I have three from my alma mater alone, and then another five or six from various other sources.  The hoody can cover up that hangover, keep you warm in your chemistry lecture, and marginally protect you from the rain that started as you slept through economics.  For this author, the hoody now serves as the official jersey of Saturday, meaning I don’t have to wear nicer clothes.  The hoody also hides the “holiday bulk” we tend to accumulate in this nation of ours.  The college kids are moving on to other clothes, including shoes, shorts and keychain lanyards with the school’s name on it.  I’ll wear hoodie as long as they are made, they are simply the most perfect article of clothing on the planet.

Carabiner Key Chain

Remember these?  Put everything on the biner and you’re good to go.  Easy off easy on.  Clip it to your pants or let it hook over the edge of your pocket.  But then some fools started treating them as accessories and wearing 5-6 at a time in various ways (you know who you are!).  People stopped doing it, but I persevere!  First of all, I don’t like carrying things in my pockets.  They get in the way.  The Sheconomist often carries it for me in her endlessly deepening purse.  Sometimes I just pull off the keys I need at the time and keep that in my pocket.  I’ve been through many over the years, but I have been carrying my keys this way for almost a decade now.  They still sell them in many stores for less than a couple of bucks.  I don’t see any reason to stop now.

Boat Shoes

Sometimes referred to by one of the brands, Sperrys (or Topsiders), the boat shoe became the defacto choice of anyone without a sense of style to have a decent pair of shoes.  They aren’t dressy, but you can get by with them in most “upper casual” environments.  My first, and still only, pair of Sperrys were purchased on sale when I started my work here at the bank.  My environment is casual enough that I can get away with wearing them 2-3 times a week.  They work well for weekend use too.  I hated everyone that wore them, until I got some.  The Sperry Topsider is the most comfortable shoe I’ve ever worn that does not have a Swoosh or large “N” on the side.  Their durability is also admirable as I should have destroyed them by now from all the abuse they’ve received.  Once again, the trend is moving away from them though.  Girls are wearing flats (by the way that does nothing but make you look like a huge letter “L”) and boys are going back to tennis shoes or dressier kicks.  This means they are perfect for me.

Sunglasses Strap

Like the boat shoes, sunglass straps are sometimes called Croakies, which is a leading brand of sunglass strap sales.  Croakies are very popular in any environment where there is lots of sun, mainly outside.  I’ve spent a lot of time coming in and out and in and out and in and out of my car, and sometimes I like to take my sunglasses with me but don’t want to hold them.  Enter the croakies.  I just let them sit around my neck and then they don’t get in the way.  Before you tell me to put them on top of my head, I’ll let you in on a secret about my head.  It’s pretty big.  Glasses don’t really sit on my head so much as they move around and then fall off.  I bought some croakies, not the wide type pictured, a couple of years ago.  I refuse to wear them anywhere I’d be noticed, simply because I don’t want to be “that guy”.  Again like the boat shoes, they were initially embraced by D-Bags chasing trends, but thanks to mass production, I was made aware of a product that is very useful to me.

Crocs

My newest addition to trends I may have personally destroyed by embracing them is the Croc shoe.  The particular model above is fleece lined, and this was the gift the Sheconomist and I gave eachother this year for Christmas.  The Sheconomist finds benefit in them for use around the house, and quick trips for the dog to use his potty (the great outdoors).  My preference for indoors is socks, but quick trips to the store or to check the mail when it’s cold will find me spending a lot of time with my new crocs.  They are dorky, and there is no avoiding that.  They are ugly too.  But once again looks are trumped by comfort, these things feel like walking on clouds.  The warmth provided by the fleece lining is an excellent bonus in the wintry months.  Of note, I tried to return my Crocs to get a larger size.  Note to Crocs Customer Service:  Return, Refund, Re-Purchase is NOT the same as an exchange.  Thanks for making life difficult and making me lose my discount.  Jerks.

Obviously, I don’t try very hard to look cool are garner much attention to myself.  But does that give me the right to judge others that are so shallow they must draw attention to themselves?  Of course it does… I’m AMERICAN.

That’s all for distracting posts that have nothing to do with Weakonomics.  Back to the depression, recession, grindstone next week.

By The Weakonomist

The Weakonomist is the founder of Weakonomics. Clicking the picture of the puppy will tell you more about him. If you like what you're reading consider subscribing to the blog, following him on Twitter, and checking out the related posts below. Please consider a donation if you really enjoy Weakonomics.

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