I had a pretty sweet gig going on at my job. Many of my colleagues work from other locations, and the only other in-office employee was my boss. He is a great manager, and mostly stays out of my way. But over the past few months we’ve brought in a couple of new folks, and unlike me, they are big talkers.

We experience downtime based on the timing of a giving quarter, and are currently at a point where there is some serious time to play around on the web. My two talkers are always reading the news and sharing opinions on this topic and that. They know I am in the know about news, politics, and certainly money so my opinion is often requested. It is most frequently denied as well. Let me offer you some advice: DON’T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TALK AT WORK.

Yes you can talk about work stuff. But when you talk about non-work related things, you risk drastically changing someone’s opinion of you. I’ve lost a lot of respect for both of my colleagues because I now see them as uninformed, brain dead, and fiscally retarded (I work at a bank).

There are 5 topics that are simply not to be discussed in a work environment:

Family

Case in point. I know for a fact that my manager is going through a divorce right now. This has mainly stemmed from gaining his trust and silently observing that he no longer wears his wedding ring. One of my co-workers is very religious, and considers the vows of marriage more important than any other spoken word. That’s fine for that person, but do not discuss how evil you think it is to get divorced in front of a guy getting divorced. Maybe you don’t know he’s getting divorced, which is why you don’t express your opinion either way.

Politics

This is a no-brainer, but here is why it’s so important to avoid at work. We all know you can’t change someone’s opinion in politics, so if you actually make that effort with someone you see for 8-10 hours a day, you risk alienating the people you rely on most. Another co-worker was married to a marine that served in Iraq. They are divorced (shame) but she cares about him all the same. This is why she’s voting for John McCain. She asked me who I’m voting for and my response was “American Idol is in the spring.” I don’t hate her for loving John McCain, but I lost a lot of respect for her because she supports the man based on his miltary background and makes everyone aware of it.

Religion

The other no-brainer. I can use the Sheconomist here. She was recently training for a new job with a nice African-American woman. They spent a lot of time together and this woman made her strong Baptist heritage known. My parents were both Baptist at one point so I have no beef. However this woman lectured my girlfriend because she had not been “saved” one day. Regardless of my girlfriend’s religious affiliations, it’s offensive to insist your specific denomination of a larger Christian organization is the only way to fly. The Sheconomist could no longer take her seriously and the relationship suffered.

Money

I know a lot about money. I know more than enough to share my knowledge with the world. Because I wanted to share it I started a website. It won’t do me any good to preach to the people I see every day about how their finances are in a mess and how to fix them. They’ve asked me plenty of times but I will only do it outside of work, in private. They always want quick advice to answer a question anyway. Otherwise I’ve given them links to the valuable resources on the web. When you open your knowledge base you give people access to that knowledge base all the time. I don’t have time at work to explain every nuance that changes in the marketplace or why the value of the stock in our company is worth about as much as a ball of yarn (remember we’re a bank).

Other Co-Workers

We use an instant messaging system at work for fast communication among the different teams. It’s very handy but some folks use it for personal conversations. If you are the type that does this be sure to know that every letter you type is logged in a server. If you’re going to trash-talk your boss or your co-workers, make sure they don’t have access to what you say. When someone has a serious problem with another colleague, they should approach that person and clear up the air. A big problem in my group is there has been way too much talking behind backs. As a result of course everyone knows what everyone has said. The mistrust that surrounds are group stinks of old cheese. I’ve quietly sat on the sidelines and watched, but the work environment that has manifested makes it difficult for me to work with a team too.

There are exceptions to every rule. If you are friends with the person and hang out after work hours, then sure you can talk about non-work things while on the clock.

So a good rule of thumb is to simply not talk at work. If you’re on the front page or reading via RSS, click through for some tips on how to respond to the normal office talk.

“How was your weekend?”

“Dandy”

“How’s the girlfriend?”

“She’s Great”

“Why is our stock so low?”

“Because people like you are asking questions instead of working” – Just Kidding

“I don’t know those stock things are crazy, I don’t pay attention to it”

“My child is dyslexic”

“My friend from high school is too, he turned out fine. Look at Jay Leno too”

“I’m an Obama Mama”

“I do not have children”

“The government is stealing money out of my paycheck”

“I have direct deposit into a bank in the Caymans”

“I was up late fighting with my 12- year old about her cell-phone”

“I heard cell-phones give you cancer”

“Want to go out for lunch?”

“I packed mine”

“I can’t stand John, he’s such a jerk”

“Maybe he’s having a bad day”

“We shouldn’t close for Christmas since not everyone celebrates it”

“Christmas is a federal holiday, we are closed because everyone else is”

“I’m thinking of dumping all of my 401(k) into company stock like our executive”

“A lot of personal finance publications discourage that, here is one that explains why”

“I heard about this website, Weakonomics, everyone says it’s awful”

“Oh it’s on now bitch!”

By The Weakonomist

The Weakonomist is the founder of Weakonomics. Clicking the picture of the puppy will tell you more about him. If you like what you're reading consider subscribing to the blog, following him on Twitter, and checking out the related posts below. Please consider a donation if you really enjoy Weakonomics.

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